I've often said that people (myself included) do not like to do "the hard work." The hardest, most difficult job is working on yourself. I will attest to that. I have, honestly, been trying to let go.
I've been working on myself for many years now.
Part of working on me is making sure I'm doing as best a job I can do at being a mom. Its not his fault I'm "screwed-up" so I had to try to minimize passing on my screwed-upness (huh? LOL!) to him. I've always tried to encourage my son to communicate his thoughts and feelings in a way that is respectful to himself and to others. I'd learned that holding in negative feelings hurts, sometimes physically, and may develop into self-loathing and self-destructive actions. I've, also, always told my son that he has to try to be the best HIM he can be. I let him know that he cannot control anyone but himself and if he comes across hurt,etc. from hurt people that he should try to take the lesson from the interaction to help himself become a better person. Don't let anybody change you. You change you!
I try to be the best ME that I can be everyday. But it is difficult, at times. We all are human and fallible. I encourage others to put this in the forefront of their minds, no matter the level of difficulty. Part of being the best person you can be is self evaluation, asking yourself tough questions: Am I overly concerned with what others think of me? Why is that? Why am I unhappy? Why is my behavior/outlook on life so negative? Am I holding on to past hurts? Is my past holding me back from a beautiful future?
Many of us have stories of hurt, disappointment, frustration, embarrassment, and so on that we suppress as we go on with our daily lives. Not addressing these issues can be detrimental to us having a happy, fulfilling life.
But HOW do you address those issues? How do you let go?
There is an art to letting go. And with any art form you have to practice. I started my journey in college, asking myself those tough questions and, without answers readily available, decided to fake it until i made it. I wanted to be happy, wanted to smile more so I did- just because. While I faked it, I also continued searching for answers. I even started my own therapy. And my own process of letting go. I credit the beginning of my letting go process to the ten paged (both sides!) letter that I wrote to my father. At 19 years old, I sat at my desk in my college dorm room and poured my heart and my hurt onto the notepaper. Through tears and sometimes loud sobs I burst through that wall of pain that was blocking my path. I put the letter in an envelope, sealed and addressed it, then placed it in the desk drawer. I never mailed it. I never mailed it because it actually wasn't for him but for me. I realized that I had to be "better" for me and for my son and that could not depend on whether or not someone else responded the way I thought they should. I had to realize that I may never get this person to do what I wanted them to do because I can only control my own actions.
My journey continues, everyday. I give myself daily reminders:
Keep everything in perspective.
Today, I will try to be the best me I can be.
Happiness is a choice.
Do not allow someone else to control you.
Love you more.
Reminders such as these work... sometimes. We all know what we need to be "better" its just the doing part that is the problem. Many of us may need a professional to help us through the growing pangs of life but may be apprehensive about seeking such help. Having to seek professional help was taboo for many of us growing up. But lately I've noticed many people who would traditional shy away from such assistance begin to embrace it.
Letting go is an art form. Like with any art form you must learn the basics and practice to get better at it. So, breath in deeply and release it slowly. And begin the really tough work, you will be better for it.
I'm still a work in progress.
Progression is always good so feel free to share some of your stories of progression in honing the art of letting go.