I WROTE THE FOLLOWING WHILE AT WORK ON 3.17.10 APPROX 1543:
So, I'm at work and I'm going through phone/internet withdrawl. I do have to admit that the feel of this pen in my hand, writing on this paper is like none other. My first loves: pen/pencil and paper. They will always have a special place in my heart but the overstimulation of the times have me shaking like a heroin addict. C'mon, the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem, right? Seriously, think about it: What happens if you leave your cell phone at home? (Disclaimer: My cell phone has internet capabilities and word processing programs) What's your reaction to it? What do you do? How do you feel? My response is pouting sometimes, plotting at others. Maybe I can go back and get it and still make it to work, my appointment, etc, on time.... I get this sinking feeling in my belly. I feel like I'm missing a limb. My thumbs move involuntarily over a phantome keyboard. And as soon as I get back to it, what do I do? I immediately check for missed calls, voicemail messages, and text messages.... then I post on my Facebook page how I left my phone home! Oh! And don't let there be a problem with my internet connection, my desktop computer, my laptop computer, my cable/satellite TV, or my DVR (ditigal video recorder) box! Damn all to hell if Grey's Anatomy does not record or worse- someone erases it! What do you think my response is if my Grey's Anatomy recording is interferred with? I yell, curse, stomp- basically have a temper tantrum. Then I realize I can watch free episodes online so I grab my laptop, impatiently log in and voila! I am instantly pacified. Its funny. But then again its not. I can recognize these things within myself, articulate them, and make changes in my life but what about our overstimulated children who do not have the capacity to recognize what is going on with them, articulate it and make changes? I know we all see it and are sometimes at fault for perpetuating the issue. Our children have cell phones at ten years old, handheld video games, high priced video game consoles, flat screen televisions in their bedrooms equipped with cable/satellite, and of course they have computers with internet connection. They even have DVDs especially for infants! Now, don't get me wrong, I think all of these luxaries and sometimes necessities are fine- in moderation. But its gotten to the point where our children are overweight, they grunt about doing anything physical, or even going outside any longer than it takes to get into the car and buckle up. When I was young, having to stay in the house was a punishment now going outside is punishment! What the -? Ok. I wrote all of that to convey that: I recognize I may have a problem and maybe more adults should recognize their own and their children's..... and go ride a bike!
I started down this path because I wanted to post a blog but cannot have my phone or laptop at work (nor do I have access to a computer with internet connection). I wanted to write about writing, possibly post some of my work ( I think I may start with a short poem) and transcribe the story I wrote at work (that's still in progress) onto my laptop. Wow! Overstimulation has my mind all over the place. I think, tomorrow before work, I'll take a bike ride. Now, if I can just locate my bike.....
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
I have a headache. I've been having headaches for some time now. I went to the doctor's today and she told me what I already knew: take your meds daily and stay hydrated. Headaches from high blood pressure will steer your focus from writing no matter how deep your desire. I keep telling myself that I must stay healthy... healthy body, healthy creative mind, right? Well, if my pressure is sky high, no creative flow for me. The stress doesn't help either. All I'm saying is, "I'm working on it." Every little bit counts. So if baby steps are what I have to take then baby steps there will be! Speaking of baby steps, I just had a thought: maybe I'll share some of my writing in my next blog..... who knows? Baby steps, Nee Nee, baby steps.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Many days, I often feel an emptiness in my soul. I am not where I want to be. Since I can remember I've wanted to put my thoughts and observations into the universe, to share them with the world. My earliest memory of having a creative bug was around age six. I used to make up songs. Of course they were limited to the mind of a six year old but they belonged to me. I started drawing when I was around the same age. I would ask my mom to bring me "drawing paper" home from her work. It was actually printer paper but to me it was for drawing. I would look at an object and copy it, perfectly in my mind, onto the paper. As I grew, life got in the way. When I was eight, my parents seperated and my songs changed, my writing changed but it did not stop. The desire to put my thoughts and observations into the universe stregthened within me. But there was something different. I put my words on paper but I had developed a fear of sharing those words. That fear has morphed into the current stagnation I find myself in. I am in my own way. Right now I have about five to six pending projects and the thought of sharing my work causes hives to appear on my cheeks. Yet, I still have the burning desire to have my work published. Dilemmas. I have also wanted for a very long time to show people the world through my eyes via still pictures: Photography. But, I have yet to invest in a quality camera or classes for that matter. Life happens. It sometimes gets in the way. The true statement is that we get in our own way in life. So, how do I get out of my own way? Dilemmas.